My Life, Your Story.

I'm dreading school tml.. Really dreading. In case no one knows, i dun have much frenz in marketing. Yeah tt's how loser i'm in school. & my grp mates R pissing me off. As hard as i tried, i juz cant seem to break into their cliHaiz God is really training my patience w them. So sick.

Actually hor, i dun have much frenz at all i realized. I nearly cried while talking to jie some night ago. How weak & emotional. Felt like leaning on Jesus more. Pastor Ulf talked abt walking in Jesus's way may be in the expense of frenz.. Meaning we might lose frenz on the way to pursue aft Jesus. Are we willing? I duno am i willing or not. But i feel im in this stage already.

I'll be really touched & appreciative towards frenz who bother to ask me out. That's when i wanna say a BIG sorry to CY here who tried to organise meals out w me (us) *twice le..* I really really wanna go out meet u guys one.. Felt rather consoled to receive ur msgs to be honest. =) But church stuffs' up. Cant compromise tt. Hope u understand.. Next time k.. Ur holland v meal.. =)

Didnt have the motivation to call ppl out too.. Juz hanging on an attitude of "let it be..". No one acc me watch movie ask my bro lor.. Like today went watch Howl's Moving Castle w ahli & ahmeng also not bad.. V relaxing.. *Oh the show's fantastic. Takuya's voice's SUPERB!!*

I'd learnt recently thru PAstor Ulf's 3rd night conference that one need not prove anything to anybody. He talked abt pride tt day & i felt tt i'm still a rather prideful person. A prideful person likes to prove to ppl what she/he is capable of. I like to put on a strong front, & hide my weaknesses to all ppl, even towards my best frenz. I'm dishonest, even to myself. Why Cheng Qiang ne? Juz a be normal believer, be dependent on God, be honest, & ask for help if needed lor!

Such simple logic yet i cant think of it till Pastor Ulf said.
I've decided to let go now, & juz totally be dependent e on God. I'm God's child le. There's nothing more to prove abt other things le.. How foolish of me..

I'm a stupid grl who thinks too much. Funny. A "C" person shldn't be stupid. Guess its not sanctified yet.

My goals & dreams seem so far & unreachable from the state i'm in now.. (Was thinking abt them these few days that's y..)

My dream is to have saved up enuf money to go to the Israel trip 1st, then attend School Of Theology, then start going out to missions. Goal is to settle down in some nice part of Israel w my hubby when we are old (the pattern of our house i'm still thinking haha but definitely MUST have a backyard where my dog/s can run abt.. =P), occasionally flying here & there to preach & do missions la, write books la etc, juz like pastor ulf & his wife.. So nice rite.. Then really old til cannot walk liao juz be prepared to meet Jesus in Heaven w a smile on our faces tt our jobs are completed on earth liao! Ha sounds so unrealistic hor.. Maybe my tis entry will scare some non-christians off! Hrmm maybe no one will bother/is reading my blog now anyway. So why care.. Anyway that is really my goal..

But.. haiz now dun even know whether can get a gd job aft graduating or not lor...............
Talk abt saving up!

Guess i'm thinking too much. Worry abt tml first ba! Have to face those clickish irritating marketing bi****.. i mean.. grls again.. Always making me feel so idiotic in front of them.. *bleah* Chanting: I muz be more loving i muz be more loving i muz.......

Conclusion: I shld have chosen my passion: maths/science/engineering