My Life, Your Story.

I've been seeing things tt made me pretty disturbed lately..

Last nite meeting ended late, so i was rushing down to pm at Jurong west church.. & i saw again.. I think spirit got affected. Kept praying silently.. for myself and for them. & i juz can't wait to reach church and bask in the presence again..

& indeed when i reached there, it was already worship part le.. The moment i settled beside gershon and began to join in the worship, the presence was so strong that tears juz started to keep flowing and flowing.. been so long since i ever cried so unreservedly in His presence.

I'm feeling more for ppl ard me lately.. even to strangers i duno completely.. As i read Case For Faith, my eyes like suddenly open.. to so many things i've been oblivious abt b4, tt i'd deem them as less impt. as compared to my own well-being, problems, emotions etc., even thou yes, they are still impt. That was when i realize this is not God wants me to be.

Matt 6:33
"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Do i seek His kingdom first bcoz i want all (other) things (that i wan in my life but is missing now) to be added to me? Or do i seek His kingdom bcoz i really want to?

This is such a thin yet impt. line that i gonna differentiate. And it leads me thinking.. issit a commandment, or a promise? Looks like a commandment promise to me.. a conditional one? And if it's, we work towards the condition in order to receive the promise promised? Or we work towards the condition because it's a commandment? Out of obligation coz tt's wat the bible says? Or out of a pure heart and love for doing God's will in my life? To reali wanting to please and to find favor in Him..

However i looked at the next verse aft Matt 6: 33..
Verse 34
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
Or simply God is juz trying to tell us not to worry abt the future.. coz if we seek Him first, rest assured we will have wat God wants us to have, coz we noe we are in gd hands!

What is the real thing that is impt to me now then? What exactly is my no. 1 priority in my life? So much soul searching i need to do.. Esp if i am to do more things for Him now.. for this new cg.. I don't wanna do it out of obligation,eg.do this law, follow that commandment. So legalistic, as wat ive learnt frm last wk bs.. & i noe it's not the way. I'll get burntout.

I wanna do it out of a passionate heart! Out of love, ie. being entirely led by the Holy Spirit!

Sis Yah Lan quoted a very gd eg last wk to describe being ENTIRELY led by the Spirit. She said it's is like driving a car on a road w/o ANY roadsigns, traffic lights, lines & dividers etc. It takes a tremendous faith to still driving that car to reach yr destination safely, w other cars also on the road! But isn't tt's wat faith is all about? Putting our entire trust on Him? What faith will there be, if there is no doubts? If u noe everything? Tt's knowledge already. Not faith. The existence of doubts is so powerful. Coz despite of them, when one still believe, tt's the kind of faith that pleases God.

When Zac fell off the lorry, and blood was all over him and the ground, did i not have doubts? I tot to myself. This cldnt have happened. How cld this happen? On the way to clinic, i was smeared w his blood all over coz zac kept shaking and vomitting.. Cld u believe it? I didnt shed a tear on the lorry even thou my bro was crying profusely.. At that moment, I didnt dare/want to entertain any tots that he might be gone juz like that... I kept confessing.. kept praying.. The journey to the clinic.. i guess it was the fiercest prayer i ever made. Reaching the clinic, i was like a mad woman, reacting as if she will be losing her son every min.. A momentary strength came over me... I could have nvr able to carry him, 27kgs for such a distance, alone. But i did.. Zac dripped such a thick trail of blood as i carried him off the lorry all the way to the operation table inside the clinic. The burst-in shocked everyone there.

It was only when the doc broke the news of his condition to me when i then finally broke down..
4 continuous hrs in the clinic.. i nvr stopped praying. I cried out to God profusely, even demanding from Him not to let zac go, not wanting to accept the reality that is creeping in.

You ask me.. Did i have doubts? Yes of coz! Not of God's existence, but why would He let this thing happened. But i chose to hang on. I chose to trust. It took me a while b4 I understood, accepted & respected God's sovereignty over zac's life, & thereafter, He helped me to erase the guilt i have in myself.. =)
Bad situations nvr will reject or demean God's existence, bcoz the fact is still there.. He truly exist.

So how to drive when there are no roadsigns at all? Listen & obey to the Guide who is guiding us, & trust in Him He knows the way to our destination! =)

Jer 29:11
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.