My Life, Your Story.

Felt so close to God lately.. like just wanna chase after Him all over again.. Desire to have Him by my side everyday, & His presence to nvr leave me.

But i dun want this to be just a feeling again. Coz feelings will go away. Emotions will die down. I wan tis desire & hunger to be established in my life. As in reali rooted deep inside. The talk w jean tt day reminded me of wat Mark Conner said on Sun service abt giving thanks to God in everything, praising Him inspite of anything, irregardless of anything! I dun wan love Him juz coz i felt Him close to me lately. I wan to love Him at all times, including times when i feel He's so far away from me.. Then i'll press in again & again.. I dun wanna walk w Him based on feelings & emotions like how i did in the past.. I wanna it to base on divine encounters, revelations, & the word of God live out within me..I wan to see a reali changed me, not juz one moment this, one moment that.

Like wat eva alwiz say.. we dun talk the talk. We walk the walk. Yest'd Kenneth Hagin said abt overcoming mountains in our lives.. I gt reminded of my dad.. the barrier between him & me is reali growing to becoming a huge mountain. No calls from him asking where am i or wat im doing, or whether will i be coming back hm for dinner coz he'll cook nice things for me. No yelling at me telling me to put down the phone &; sleep early coz next day got work. No scoldings at me of getting too involved in church/frenz etc.

We haven't been talking to each other for close to a mth le. Now at home he treats me as invisible. He totally bochap everything that i do. He showered fe w gifts, care & concern, talking real nicely to him infront of me. I know it's an act he wanna show to me. Tt i doesnt' matter anymore to him & he still have fe. It hurts intially when he treated me like this. But i duno is it i've grown accustomed to his behavior soon after.. Coz no matter wat, having no one to yell at me thru the phone is pretty comforting. At least my ears are spared from screaming & nasty words.

But last nite i overheard him saying to my mum tis in chinese.. "the more i see her, the more i detest her".

It suddenly dawned on my tt our relationship has actually deterioriated to this lvl.. I can't take it anymore. I juz cry and cry.. Im angry w him. How cld he say such words? But im sad.. coz i noe he didnt want to say that. I muz have hurt him so much for him to say so.. I know i got to love my dad w unconditional love juz as how God has loved me..But it's so hard. I kept listening to myself saying "how can i love him, esp. all tt he's treating me nw? he's so unreasonable. I didnt do anything bad." The sound of protest & unfairness kept ringing in my ears..

But now i dun wanna listen to myself anymore. As wat Robb Thompson taught, i will talk to myself.

Now i know Lord.. sorry Lord.. can i salvage this situation? Maybe i cant. But thru You i know i can. Phil 4: 13 "I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me."

I got to throw down every single pride tt's in me.
Pro 16: 18 says "Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall."

& I need You.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness. Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

"while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal."

Overcoming mountain is nvr easy i know. It'll take time. Lotsa time probably, i duno.. But I WILL overcome it. & the vision of my dad kneeling down at Your altar WILL come to pass. Hallelujah!!!