My heart missed a beat.
He turned over to his side shoulder.
Instantly i shunned behind the pillar beside me.
He saw me? I wondered.
Stood frozen. Til he's out of sight.
Shldn't he be in Tuas? Why did he appear in Raffles? What's the time now? Note to self: I'll avoid this timing next time.
Yes AVOID. By all means.
WHY ON EARTH will i have such a reaction?
& this realization makes me feel even worse.
Hate the feeling of having my emotions so controlled by someone. Anyone, other than myself.
It makes me feel vulnerable. It makes me feel weak. It makes me feel not at peace. It makes me feel as if i haven't let go of something yet.
Whenever his name is being mentioned, something inside me stirred. (Yuan's recent comments still ringing in my ears: He looks much better w his new pair of specs) I thought i didn't wish to hear anything abt him. Yet i was always on all ears. Nonchalent on the surface, ripples on the inside.
For that period. Such chemistry. Such connection. Such physical attraction. Such thrill.
& wats more, he has the personality i fancy - Sporty, adventurous, fun-loving, humorous, charasmatic, confident, detailed, caring. Appearance? Swimmer-built, beautiful jawline.. let's just say he's physically attractive enuf to me.
Character? SUX.
& it
But i thank God for him. A valuable lesson.
Nvr let yrself fall, just bcoz of the initial spark of passion/interest.
Character shld ALWAYS rule over personality, appearance, chemistry, connection, compatiblity, watever.
Let go, let God.
Learning to cope my emotions now.. An ugly side of me almost (or shld i said, had) surfaced up last nite. Words that edify. Words that don't. Didn't know it matters so much to me now.
Come on jo... Kill this fleshy nature, & live a zoe life filled with the fruits of the Spirit.
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